It's been a mere 2 days out from my failed marathon attempt, my failure to get to the starting line, and I am already able to aknowledge that all is not lost. In the marathon, as in most things worth working for, it's the journey that really matters. The training itself is what I love, what moves me, what makes it all worthwhile. The race is a celebration of that journey. I love that celebration, the party that ends with a medal around my neck, a HUGE sense of accomplishment, and another state added to the growing list.

For days leading up to and immediately after I made the decision not to run, I was moody and down. I was downright despondent that I didn't get to take part in that last little bit, the fun bit, of the journey. But when I was able to finally sit down and think about what I DID manage to accomplish, I realized that although I missed the party, I still got the journey.  I still got the 16 week road trip complete with all the peaks and valleys, all of the wonderful, frustrating, challenging and uplifting moments that come with training for a marathon. This fall training season wasn't a waste. It was a just preparation for the next adventure.

Although I'm coming to peace with missing my marathon party, I am still frustrated and confused about what de-railed me. I feel better when I understand the problem and can attack the solution, just like I would attack a training program. But for now, I don't understand what happened. What I do know is that I'm not ready to run again. My left leg still won't respond when I ask it to, I still can't run even a step. I can't even walk fast. It doesn't hurt, I simply can not make my body move. But there are things I CAN do.

I can try to enjoy the rest. I (theoretically) have a tough training season ahead of me in preparation of the Boston Marathon. Why not enjoy a period of lighter training ahead of that schedule?

I can work my upper body. I've always told myself I didn't have time to focus on anything that didn't help propel me forward.  After all, I am a wife and mom first, runner second. There is only so much time in the day I can devote to training. But now I have no excuse.

I can cross-train. Despite the issues with my leg, I have found that I can bike, I can work on the elliptical and I can swim. I logically know that cross-raining will help my running, and very likely will be the key to keeping me healthy so I can run forever. Which is the ultimate goal anyway, right? So instead of dreading it, and putting it off, I can think of cross-training as my ticket to ride on the this next leg of the ultimate voyage. Without that ticket, there will be no journey. I can and will put in that work now, because I know it will be worth it. I know what it feels like to be left on the sidelines.

I am ready to move forward. I am ready to get out my bags and pack for the next phase of the boundless expedition I have devoted much of my life to. Whatever lies ahead, I am ready to take it all in and try again.